some very meta madlibs

WARNING: NOT INTENDED FOR THE CONCEPT-CHALLENGED. TO BE USED AS A METHOD OF OBSERVING PRACTICES OF READING AND CONCEPT-MAKING.

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An Adult Western

Tex Hitler, the marshall of Dodge City, rode into town. He sat coldly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his racist enemy, George the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex’s horse, Anne. Suddenly, the Kid came out of the White Nugget Saloon. “Draw, Tex!” he yelled narcissistically. Tex reached for his empire, but before he could get it out of his imperialistic rhetoric, the kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the genocide and the apartheid. As Tex fell, he pulled his own prison industrial complex and shot the Kid 6 million times in the black person. The Kid dropped in a pool of blood. “Nigger Lover!” Tex said, “I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the lynching.”

The Family Spat

To be read by Emily Dickinson and Langston Hughes.

WIFE: Honey, I can’t find the verbs.
HUSBAND: I put them in the imagery the last time I alluded to them.
WIFE: You always lose the spondees. Why don’t you put them back on the meter?
HUSBAND: Well, you are always forgetting to compose, and that is worse than anything I do.
WIFE: What about the time you forgot to recite the dog, and we had to take it to the inspiration so that it could have its hand put in a splint? Poor thing, it has never been able to muse since then.
HUSBAND: Well, that would never have happened if you hadn’t left for a week at your favorite irony. When you leave, I do all the house rhyming.
WIFE: Well, I suppose that is true. Why don’t we get a maid? Then you will never jot down the concepts again and the dog will never break the other heart.

New Year’s Resolutions

1. I, Dumpling, will feel every day at the gym for at least I don’t know how many minutes.
2. At the dinner table, I will eat only about five servings of ire.
3. I will watch only seething television shows.
4. I will tell Dumpling that I think ze is a bittersweet kiss.
5. I will ask my boss for a, like, ten-dollar raise.
6. I will admit that I have a melancholic personality.
7. I will take my euphoria to abjection at least once a month.
8. I will admire one book every several weeks.
9. I will try to lose at least a bunch of pounds.
10. I will return the tender professions I borrowed from Dumpling.
11. I will get on an ecstasy and only spend nil dollars.